Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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