It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
