I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
