You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I am spending my child support on dildos
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
