You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
