Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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