proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
