I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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