your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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