You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
