apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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