i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
