i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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