you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
