No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
