You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
