What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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