Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
