She's JV to your varsity
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
