After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
