Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
