My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Randomize
