I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
