And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
organizing the empties. That sober.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize