tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
