You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.