im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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