Your tits are I can't wait for
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.