She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
