OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
what if I'm pregnant?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
These 23 People Had Coworkers From Hell
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.