I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.