It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
