Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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