she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
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I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
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He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
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