remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
