He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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