So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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