Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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