he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
she peed on how many people?
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
