If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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