I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
