When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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