I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
