theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
