uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
