ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
