we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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