I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
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