Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Randomize
