Just fell off a train. Bad.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
