I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
