When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
