tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
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