Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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