chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
