Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
