Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
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