Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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