I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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