i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
The dick lei will go down in squad history
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