I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Do you still have your period?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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