All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
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Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
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So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
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