I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
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