JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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