I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
