mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
