Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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