Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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