im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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