What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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