Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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