there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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